Player Housing and Siege Warfare!
Posted July 16th, 2008 by Isobelle
…are totally fucking stupid. I hate you all in the face with my shoe, and I hate you even more if you got a boner when you read the title of this story. Why do nerds all over the world get hard-ons over the idea of ‘owning’ a home in an MMO? What is so fantastically awesome about having some stupid hut that makes people bring it up over and over again? Is it because they still live at home, and think “ONCE I GET MY OWN HOUSE IN WOW I DON’T NEED TO LISTEN TO MOM EVER AGAIN”? Do you honestly think your guild leader will respect you more when he sees that you made your own fucking drapes in the shit-hole you ‘own’ out by the Crossroads? Let’s just get this out in the open: you are a huge loser if you want a fucking hovel to put your shit in, in-game. This isn’t up for argument. I’m always right, and in this case especially you are totally and utterly wrong. Suck it up.
Player Housing and Siege Warfare are seen as the next big thing for god knows why. Throw in ‘deformable terrain’ and OH-EM-GEE it looks like the stock for Vaseline and Kleenex just shot up (oh snap! See what I did there?). Here’s a shocking revelation that will make RPers worldwide ruin their jeans, and the best part is, it’s already in game!
Ready? There already is player housing built into the game! ZOMG! There are stupid little houses all over the world of Azeroth that serve no fucking purpose whatsoever, and are waiting for YOU to come into them and role-play your way to the head of the class. There are orc huts located in northern barrens, right before the entrance to Ashenvale, and totally abandoned Night Elfy kinda houses all over the place. There’s one I specifically remember coming across way out in the middle of fucking nowhere, at the northern tip of Stonetalon Mountains, up by that place called ‘The Den’. It's a stupid little grey house with ugly maroon trim, and little gay flowerpots under the front windows. There are no NPCs to be found for miles in any direction. Feel free to run on up there every time you want to log out ‘at home’. It’ll probably be pretty stupid sitting at home all day long, when your friends are off killing monsters and whatever, but loneliness is a small price to pay to be the first WoW customer with his own unique player housing! Just think of all the things you could do there! Right click the chair to repeatedly ‘sit’ over and over (note* not all player houses have usable furniture), or have a mage conjure you some water, and eat it in your bed! Oh, man! MOM’S RULES DON’T APPLY HERE ANYMORE, LOL!
If you feel a little lonely, you could always just take over the place where Mankirk’s wife was repeatedly raped in the anus and left for dead, just south of the Crossroads. People will be coming over all the time to click her dead body; it could be a major feature of your new bachelor pad! Come on over and poke her with a stick! We’ll enjoy some Rumsey Rum and make dead orc jokes! Maybe the opposite is true, and you want to 'get away from it all'. At level 70, you can easily go solo Scholomance, and take up a residency in the Boss' chambers. He won't respawn as long as you never leave, and you'll only have to deal with shitty little elites whenever you 'get home' for the evening.
Seriously. You people make me want to punch 2nd graders in the back of the head. I honestly sat down and tried to decide, and couldn’t figure out what was more stupid: Player Housing, or the oft requested OMG Seige Warfare! Can there be anything more stupid and boring than collecting wood to craft a catapult so we can push it across a map?
The ‘collecting wood’ part is pure conjecture, but kinda makes sense based on their previous ‘collect some blood or whatever so you can summon some big rock or tree’ theme that nobody bothers partaking in anymore.
I mean, I see what they’re doing. Rather, I see WHY they’re doing it. WoW already has Quake (arena), Unreal Tournament (WSG), Battlefield (AB), combinations of the two (EotS), and … whatever AV is. The devs probably sat down, and were like, MAN… IF WOW PVP ONLY HAD VEHICLES, IT COULD BE LIKE HALO TOO! OH, OH! NO, WAIT! YOU KNOW WHAT WE REALLY NEED? THAT SAVING PRIVATE RYAN SHIT THAT EVERY FUCKING WAR GAME OR MOVIE SINCE THE DAWN OF TIME HAS DONE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER! IT FITS WITH THE LOLORE OF AZEROTH PERFECTLY!
I present Exhibit 2b, a.k.a. The New Northrend BG:
Seriously. I’ve been playing the game again for about a week now, and I already hate everyone involved in and out of the game more than I think I did before. Reading up on the game itself is like actively searching the internet for depression, and finding it’s readily available for 15 bucks a month.
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"If you feel a little lonely, you could always just take over the place where Mankirk’s wife was repeatedly raped in the anus and left for dead, just south of the Crossroads."
hahaha that was great!
I realize this post is about WoW... BUT,
Player housing was amazing in UO. You could literally steal someones key to their house and LOOT IT DRY! and they could never put crap in there again until they bought a new house.
Amazing battles took place in that era of UO.. Player housing since then, in any game, has been retarded and pointless. The only people that ever cared about "decorating" their house were fags and women.
I watched the WII streams (because I don't have a life).
And I'll admit, during the pvp panel I completely forgot what game they were talking about. The guy got me all caught up in turrets and anti-aircraft missiles that I completely forgot this was world of warcraft. In my opinion the new 'Pvp Zone' or what ever the fuck it is, will be the biggest flop of all. It's probably going to end up like Terokkar, or EPL; ie completely ignored. I just think Blizzard is trying too hard at this point. =/
"I watched the WII streams..."
WWI*
What? You still use the Internet to search for depression? DOOD! That is so, like 2006!
Anyway, siege warfare can be fun, so long as you can deploy siege in the main game world. Sitting from a nearby hill one-shotting horde noobs running into and from XR, with flaming catapult shot from half a map away, is a barrel of laughs.
I am not a huge proponent of player housing so much as player created towns. I don't care one way or the other if I have my own house as that typically just ends up being extra bank slots. Cities like in SWG or ShadowBane that were actually completely designed by players not stupid shit like AoC where every gd city is the same cookie cutter bullshit in some instanced shithole.Hand in hand with this is the awesome potential of siege warfare.
Most people who are WoW only MMO players have no idea what it's like to actually have direct competition in an MMO. IMO this is what is missing from every game since EQ with the exception of ShadowBane. Who gives a shit if you kill instanced copy of ubermob XXXXY first. Everyone else has their own happy little instance to bash their heads against the mob and until they have the same loots as you! In EQ you could harvest all the ph4tz for yourself and leave others high and dry. In ShadowBane you could take it even further by taking all of the ph4ts, chasing your rival guild back to their fucking home town and burn the gd thing down around their ears, kill all of them, rape their women, toss their babies into the air and catch them on spears or any sharp objects you had handy, etc etc...
Siege of random instanced bullshit = stupid. Instanced housing = stupid. Instanced anything really = stupid. Someone making Shadowbane that ran and looked as good as wow does = fucking awesome. Why won't someone do this?!?!?!
...toss their babies into the air and catch them on spears...
lol
yeah, aside from about 3 days of FF11, WoW was my first real exposure to MMOs. sucks you can't really go back and try old ones to see what they were like, because either the population has dried up (or servers shut down completely), or it's moved beyond what it *was* into something like eq1 where apparenty you just teleport around everywhere and have scripts that run scripts to run a script.
Houses - stupid RP waste of time. If I wanted to go to a friends house and party, I'd do it in real life, with real booze, and I'll be real smooth, and talk to the real hot girl, and get real rejected. The real version is depressing enough, I dont need it pixellated.
Siege - Yeah It'll flop. Blizz has to understand, we don't need all these gimmicks to kill one another. Just put two uber popular towns right next to each other in a PvP zone with a big ditch between the two. Idiots will kill each other all day for no reason and their subscription fees will keep rolling in.
yeah houses is pretty gay.
Houses are useless unless you can get something worthwhile out of it and not just a harder to get to Bank. In SWG I loved houses because I could setup a shop to sell all my loot in and a workshop to make items but if it's something like we have in LOTRO where it's just for Decoration and storage then it's useless and a waste of the 7 Gold you have to spend to get it. After I brought my deluxe house for that much I realised just how happy I would of been spending it on better gear.
For Siege warfare they have to start focusing more of the hand to hand fighting, like Krimspins said just make a area where Horde and Alliance can clash every second and people will love it. Make it so you can take over the city and they opposite side now has to work to take it back and vice versa.
This is the most unfunny, boring, "lolnerdslolmomsbasement" screed I've had the displeasure of reading recently. Really, you're trying way too hard, dude.
And I actually don't like player housing either.
I agree that Player Housing is a waste of time. It just offers very little in the ways of practical use to justify the dedication of the game developers required to make it.
Guild Housing, on the other hand, offers plenty of practical uses and also fits WoW better.
I am neutral about Siege Warfare. Destroying buildings with a catapult sounds entertaining, but I would have to see the actual implementation to make an accurate opinion. Personally, I am more excited about the "Flak" Shredder. ;)
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