The $2000 iPhone is Stupid
Posted July 14th, 2008 by Isobelle
The iPhone just launched in Japan, much to the delight of hip young Japanese people everywhere. These same people are apparently tired of setting 10,000 yen notes on fire, and have broken their toilets by flushing money down them, so now they are flocking to Softbank outlets by the dozen to snatch up the latest overpriced American fad.
America and Japan are so in love with one another that sometimes I wish they’d just get a fucking room, rent a tentacle porn tape, and just get it over with. Seeing retards in America paying 6 dollars for a box of Pocky like it gives them some unique insight to life in Japan is right up there with seeing Japanese couples with 4 children at the cel phone kiosk in the mall deciding they need to spend $2000 on some piece of shit mp3 player that can take a voicemail because “APPURU WA COORU DESU NE?! \\(^ u ^)//”
Two thousand dollars? Isn’t that a bit overpriced? The unit itself goes for 25,000 yen, but lawd have mercy if you think you’re just walking away with that bad boy in your sweaty little hand. You have to sign a two year contract with the full iPhone Rape Your Wallet Internet service, regardless if you want it or not.
Take me as an example. I actually went to Softbank yesterday, just to see what the drill is. I already have a Softbank service plan, and have been with them since the first week I arrived in Japan about 4 years ago. I’m currently on a plan called “the White Plan” which amounts to about 980 yen a month. Calls to my wife and her family are free, and my entire cel phone usage pretty much amounts to me telling my wife “I’m going to the electronics section of the store; call me when you’re done looking at bras or whatever”. I NEVER use the internet function of my phone, have never downloaded an MP3 to it, and will never buy the mobile version of Dragon Quest 57 to play on my commute. I had foolishly imagined that I could just trade my phone for an iPhone, and continue using it that way I use my other phone, except that it would also work as a radio for my car.
Ha Ha! No.
The fact that internet capability is built into the iPhone is toted as some amazing advance in cel phone technology, nevermind that the first mobile phone to enable internet connectivity and wireless email, the Nokia Communicator, was released in 1996. Oops! Where there has always been “the stupid plan” that you can get with your phone that allows you to surf the internet like a madman using your 12x18 cel phone screen all day long, I never really found it to be very useful. Situations are concocted at keynote speeches where Steve Jobs is like “and then the 7 of you are totally plastered in your mom’s hummer, when Wendy has the insanely great idea to get sushi! Just pop open your cel phone, connect to the internet, type the search term into your MobileMe account access page, load your GPS coordinates, let google maps load, zoom in, find a sushi place that’s open at 4am on Tuesday evening in South Central Los Angeles that accepts food stamps and BINGO!” The iPhone eliminates one step from the above equation: connecting to the internet (it's always connected omg). It's also easier to type on an iPhone than a regular celphone, but does that make it worth it? I mean, nevermind the fact that by actually … oh I don’t know… LIVING in your area, you might learn where stores and shops are located. Assuming I am even in a new town, is it really that hard to find a place to eat using the eyeballs on your face that are directly attached to your brain?
The new all-you-can-eat internet contract (that won’t play WoW or download episodes of Lost, and that you pay in addition to your regular internet access at your house) amounts to 5990 yen per month, plus 595 yen “accident coverage” (insurance for the phone, non-optional), plus another 315 yen per month for… something. Multiply that number by 24 months, and add the cost of the phone itself. In the end it comes out to about 1906 dollars US. And then you’re stuck with an iPhone for 2 years. Call me crazy, but taking Apple as an example unto itself… do you think they’re going to stop here? Assuming you were foolish enough to buy the current generation of iPhone (already “generation 2”), do you think it’s built in battery would last two full years? Do you imagine cel phone technology won’t progress at all in two years time? Do you really want to PAY for firmware updates from Apple, ON TOP of the retarded amount of money you’re already paying to be trapped in a time bubble of cel phone technology?
I guess you could take solace in the fact that at least you’ll have the respect of the company you’re supporting, though, and that’s worth … oh… wait…
I think the previous version that cost Fred from Marketing his job summed it up a bit better…
The chumps stuck with the “Twice as Slow, Twice as Expensive” version are ridiculed by the rest of the community, labeled as “iPhone Classic” users. It’s short for “Classic Example Of Chumps Who Locked Themselves Into Ridiculously Long And Expensive Contracts In A Field Of Technology That Changes Drastically Over Short Periods Of Time”.
God damn it, I swear I just hate everything.
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Whoa whoa whoa, first of all its spelled "CELL PHONE" one l, not two. Second of all...That photo at the top? Total bullshit. My ipod touch (Same thing as the iphone - a phone) has been through hell and back and doesn't have a single damn scrath on it.
This is a really idiotic post. Blackberry's and other cell phones charge the same amount of money per month for internet access. 40-60% generally. Its not like the iPhone is 200% what the other companies are. And hey buddy, ALL CELL PHONE COMPANIES MAKE YOU SIGN A 2YR CONRACT! Quit bashing a cell phone when you don't even look at others.
1) thanks for the spelling lesson champ. you've really scrathed my ego, and forced me to look into buying maybe one or two Blackberry's so i can constantly spellcheck myself. I've always called it a cel, better get a lawyer. at least i don't attach the lowercase letter "i" to every fucking word in my life like some iDouchebag iCompany that loves iSelling iOverpriced iBullshit.
2) you're right, i didn't iSearch iGoogle for iphone pictures and iFind that iOne. it must be iPhotoshopped.
3) 2 year contracts are nothing new, but no cel phone company has demanded that i choose the "bullshit" contract out of all the choices available. I have internet access already at home. Either charge me a per-packet rate or fuck off. I love how it will happily hop on your wifi connection at home to alleviate their own servers congestion when your 3G bullshit isn't needed, but there's no discount if that's the only time you ever want to check the fucking weather, buy MP3s from Apple, or upload pictures of your ugly kids to the intertrons.
1) "scrathed" was just a typo. You, on the other hand, repeatedly typed 'cel' which is incorrect. By the way, blackberry is the correct spelling. No space. Again, check up on some shit before you talk it!
2) I don't understand why you are putting an 'i' in front of all those words. An i DOES come before pod and phone for apple's respective products. Thanks for trying to insult me, but you made a fool of yourself.
3) I do agree with you here. I believe that all cell phone internet access plans are bullshit. Overpriced, and like you said, they use your network or any other nearby network that is available at all opportunities instead of using theirs.
4) I'm not trying to start an argument here (However looking back at my own words it seems I am). I was just voicing my opinion on that while the iPhone is an expensive phone and they do get you on monthly internet access plans, there are still other phones that have the same type of bullshitting or worse.
1) more than one blackberry would be blackberries. not blackberry's. you are more than correct on the proper spelling on CELL PHONE. i could go back and edit my article, but really don't care enough to, and then these comments wouldn't make any sense. from now until the end of time i will continue to spell it cel phone, just to spite you, and will teach all of the japanese youth i encounter this new and "more gooder" spelling. eventually, one of my students will go on to found the electronics company that will swallow the others whole, and form the ultimate merger of all other electronics companies on the face of the planet. he will release a single product; it will be the culmination of every device ever concieved into one swiss army uber-product. It will be a blender, ski lift, procupine, massage chair and dildo all in one, and will be perpetually connected to every inter- and intra- net ever created wirelessly. It will contain over 9 billion petabytes of (expandable) data storage capabilities, and will be known simply as a "cel phone". i will have the last laugh; you don't stand a chance. look to the future, and quit being so narrow minded. GAWD.
2) iFanboi has an I at each end. Double the fun.
3) GROUP HUG
4) i hate everyone on the planet. you especially.
Seriously, why pay an arm and a leg every month for internet on your phone? it's a fucking 3x4 inch screen. WTF are you going to do on that that you can't do on a regular cell phone??
For those of you who didn't know this, you can text just about anything to GOOGLE and they text you back the search results. And it's completely free... aside from whatever your cell plan charges you for texting.
http://www.google.com/intl/en_us/mobile/default/sms/index.html
Example... you decide you want to go from one bar to another, because the other one might have a certain out of the area NFL game up that the bar you're at isn't showing... But you don't want to drive across town without knowing for sure... Do you dig up the yellow pages? No, you just text google the bar name and the town you're in, and they text you back the address and phone number... you then call the bar and find out! Ta-da! Totally free.
Looking for a pizza joint? Search for pizza and your zip code or city... Bam, you get a listing of all the places...
Search sports scores, stock quotes... about the only thing an iPhone lets you do that you can't do otherwise is pull up google maps... but I *think* there's a way to do that on most phones with a webapp you can install on your cell phone anyways... And then you just do it with the installed app, not via safari... But I don't use that cause I don't want to pay $100 bucks a month for my cell bill, because google SMS works just fine.
Yeah, this:
http://www.google.com/mobile/default/maps/
Khatibb, you just changed my life.
Really.
If I google you so that I can find you and give you five dollars for this information, would you be offended?
What I really love is the fact some people do really think apple is some kind of friendly company thats there best friend and shit. Truth is, no other company that I know of has ever had the balls to put out a phone thats locked to one crazy ass overpriced contract with no sim free option AND try to actively block anybody removing sim restrictions.
Sure its a free world, and theres plenty of company's that like to ride the shite out of its costumer, but most of the aforementioned customers dont think the company is the shit.
In a few years they`ll probably crumble to the compatition and offer sensible plans, but even then the consumer will live under the horror that is itunes.
lol
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