You Cheeky Lil' Monkey, I Challenge Thee To A Duel

[Alihja]

“It doesn’t matter what game you play, it’s all monkeys pulling levers.” That was said by an acquaintance of mine. More than once. Hey, it's not a lever that I'm pressing on, it's a mouse, sir. And it's not just any mouse, it's a Logitech G5 state of the art laser-mouse with weights, added for more precision in my gaming. Mouse-pointing is serious business. So there. By the way, just ignore that discarded banana peel in the trash can behind the desk.

Nothing to see here.

Sure, it’s two in the morning, and I’m clicking on a browser window with furious repetition while waiting for it to refresh. "Why?" you may ask. Am I buying tickets to a concert or planning a trip to some exotic location? That’d be a “No.” Instead, I’m playing Duels, the new web based role-playing and dueling game at duels.com. After finding out that it’s free, and realizing that I’m a cheap bastard, I thought I’d give it a try.

I began at the character creation. I was a little put-off by the fact that I couldn’t create a female character. I’d originally intended to make a cool gladiatrice named Suzie. I wanted to create a Midwestern lady who sells Mary Kay cosmetics by day. By night, she stalks and stabs people in the face if they won’t host a makeover party. It’s a role-playing game, after all. Nobody and nothing interferes with my role-playing.

I had to improvise.

The Combat System
The Duels combat system is best described as “rock-paper-scissors” with a digital paper doll added in. You must plan out what you want your character to wear (the blue pants, or the purple ones?) because the stats determine your outcome, and then you choose a spell scroll or an attack, and then you tap on the challenge button. Once you do that, it's all in the hands of the numbers. Really complicated stuff. You can look at what people have in their inventories, but there’s no way to know what they’ll choose for battle. As you win more battles, you receive things called packs, which contain scrolls, an tem, and some gold. Most of the items that I’ve received are not things that my character is able to equip. As a result, poor Suzie is left with his loincloth flapping in the breeze, and his sword in his hand. That's okay, since just about everyone else in the game is in this predicament. I've noticed that you don't have to accept people's challenges right away. In fact, you can just wait until you surpass them in levels and then turn around and kick their ass. I don't know if this is intentional, or just an oversight.

If you're not into all that "planning ahead" stuff, you can play it the way most people play it. Keep randomly challenging people, and click away like a lunatic. Or a monkey. It's up to you, really. You receive no penalty for losing, and you gain experience every single time you battle, whether you win or lose. Imagine a game where you fight, and you’re still given a reward just for participating, even if you got your ass handed to you. Oh wait, that’s the arena in World of Warcraft.

My bad.

I’ll admit, I was somewhat annoyed at the way some gaming writers were comparing Duels to other MMORPGs like World of Warcraft, or cool old school nerd games like Magic The Gathering. The nerd-rage in me began an angry upsurge, and I was about to stamp out a scathing reply, “Oh my gawd, you can’t be serious… WoW is a massively multiplayer game with a 3D world, and Duels is a web browser game! There’s no scenery, no dungeons, no goblins to tell you that time is money, and no Night Elves grinding their genitals on mailboxes!” I was wrong. There are similarities (except for the part about the 3D world, the goblins, and the Night Elf genitals on the mailboxes), because after a week of playing Duels and trying really hard to like it, the following thought came into my mind: ‘Maybe it gets better at higher levels; if I can handle the repetitiveness of clicking… err, repeatedly.’

That is exactly the sort of thing I’ll think about an MMORPG when I start to get bored with it. And you know what? Aside from the fact that they use the same color-coding scheme for the equipment, I’ve found other similarities between Duels and today’s most popular MMORPG, World of Warcraft.

Leveling.
In a game like World of Warcraft, your character has to fight hundred of things to get to level 20, and it can take days to get there. It’s the same way with Duels. In fact things like, getting to level 20 and experiencing those loading times in WoW might actually be faster. Duels also provides you with a carrot on a stick, delivered in the form of a very familiar looking skill tree.

Death.
Neither game has experience loss for dying. In World of Warcraft, you have to wait five minutes while you run back to your corpse. In Duels, you have no world to run through, but you still need to wait while your browser refreshes to choose your next opponent... provided you don't end up at an error page.

Smacktalk.
As far as taunts go, Duels doesn’t quite match up to World of Warcraft in the smacktalk department. I was hoping for some goofy interactions, but they’re few and far between. One person talking smack is a lot like one hand clapping. In case you didn’t know, the sound of one hand clapping is silent, unless it’s against your forehead. It sounds a lot like someone smacking his or herself; that’s what I’ll probably be doing tomorrow morning—but enough of that. If you try Duels, don’t let other people’s non-responsiveness stop you from enjoying the finest smacktalk in the whole wide world.

I sure didn’t.



Botting.
Some people run macros and bots to do things like fighting, fishing or gathering for them in World of Warcraft. In Duels, there are no fish and there are no plants, but people have already been driven to a point where they believe it’s more fun to run macros and bots than to actually play the fucking game. That’s amazing when you take into account that Duels has only been live for a short amount of time. The difference is that when people run bots in WoW, it’s usually for some kind of benefit, such as to gain gold to sell online, or to get past the experience grinding onto the fun part of the end game. At this point, I don’t think the gold in Duels is worth anything, and if there is an end-game, I'm not sure that it's any different from the mid-game. Nonetheless, the people at duels.com are willing to sell gold and packs of equipment (which you may or may not be able to wear) for a real world price.

As far as free (sort of) games go, Duels isn’t horrible. It has all of the excitement of longstanding games, like Minesweeper or Solitaire. And much like those games, I don’t see myself throwing down any real-world money for it. If you're looking for a cost-free way to kill some time without having to download anything, you might like Duels. In fact, I’m going to enjoy Duels for what it is; an excuse to put pink hair on a cartoon Chippendale dancer, and send strange messages to random people.






As if you even needed to ask.

[Priestiality]

After I read this I immediately jumped onto Duels.com and tried it out.

I can only describe it in one way; Meh.

[Alihja]

Originally Posted by Priestiality

After I read this I immediately jumped onto Duels.com and tried it out.

I can only describe it in one way; Meh.

On this, we agree. In fact, you've managed to say what I said, only I had to do it in over 4,000 words and several pictures.

[Khatib]

Have you tried Kingdom of Loathing yet Alihja?

It's semi-pointless as well, but it'll make you giggle at least. I never really understood how it's supposed to be social... but it's a fun way to kill time at work, and completely browser based as well.

P.S. I love the smack talk. I may need to steal that chilly line...

[Phosgene]

http://www.freeworldgroup.com/games5...stantrealm.htm

Epics of a Distant Realm is much better. Game gets imbalanced as hell when you start getting purples.

The ending kicks ass too.

[Alihja]

Those are all great suggestions, and I'm going to try em all.

There's this column that comes in my monthly Games For Windows magazine, written by one called, "The Freeloader," and I absolutely love reading it. It's always chock-full of free games to check out.

[Ripperjack]

Originally Posted by Alihja

“It doesn’t matter what game you play, it’s all monkeys pulling levers.”

Or in my case, monkeys spanking their levers.


Ahhhhh.... Saaatisfaaaaction!

[MadMommaMoo]

Originally Posted by Alihja

On this, we agree. In fact, you've managed to say what I said, only I had to do it in over 4,000 words and several pictures.

Honey, that proves that you and I are indeed female. LOL

Repeatedly in these forums a man will come along and repeat what I just said and do it in ONE sentence. WTF is up with that SHIT?! Screw that. I'm into the details! LOL

He looks like he has a strawberry for a crotch

[Priestiality]

Originally Posted by MadMommaMoo

Honey, that proves that you and I are indeed female. LOL

Repeatedly in these forums a man will come along and repeat what I just said and do it in ONE sentence. WTF is up with that SHIT?! Screw that. I'm into the details! LOL

Not that I don't absolutely love the details, I just happened to express my opinion in one word. Of course, I had a sentence or two leading up to it to build anticipation up to the glorious moment where I judged that finely tuned game.

The finale, unfortunately, was nothing but disappointment. Like when the Cookie Monster became the Veggie Monster to appeal to the obesity rates in children these days.

[Eaglie]

Most games like Kingdom of Loathing hold my attention for two or three times playing them, then I pretty much forget them until I find them mentioned on a forum. I load them up again one more time, forget, and go back yet another time when the game's again referenced on a forum. Stupid cycle.

[oshin]

But if you summed it up in one word we wouldnt have any entertainment for work/av/ect

[mven]

Jesus isn't it supposed to be bioshock week! Isn't duels.com like so 2 weeks ago?! I did get a character to like level 3 or something though. POWER.

Of course I have started playing Vanguard again. So I guess I can't talk too much smack about what anyone else is playing. Unless of course that is WoW.

[Khatib]

I heard Bioshock is pretty money.


Sadly, I got back into WoW Friend gave me a 70 account for free, and it perfectly fills a gap left in my old guild's raid roster from someone who transferred out to play with RL friends... so now I'm heavy into WoW again...

and two days after starting WoW again and collecting 7 epics... I got into the PotBS beta. So the beta is gonna take a back seat to WoW now.

[mven]

That doesn't bode well for POTBS. If it is less fun than raiding in WoW I guess I won't be picking it up.

Bioshock was vry sexah.

[Khatib]

Well I haven't actually tried it yet. I'm gonna sacrifice and put my time into WoW for my RL friends to handle their raid slot. Once I get my gear caught up so I only need to go to the 2 raid nights a week and not much else, I'll play PotBS a few nights a week too.

[mven]

FUCK WoW. Stop supporting it! It is evil! SELLOUT !!!

[Khatib]

Yeah, I know

Stupid peer pressure.. Friends kept harassing me to come back and chill and all that. I finally cracked. Although we are ALL anxiously awaiting a new game to switch to en masse. Despite all the bugs and problems, if the sys reqs of Vanguard would have allowed more than 1/3rd of the guild to play without upgrading to a new comp, we'd have just quit WoW and gone there. Too bad the graphics of the game required such stupidly high cpu resources. And they weren't even that great

Gonna be Conan or WAR, not sure which yet.. Just waiting on some people to get in beta and get us some inside opinions.

[mven]

Ah I am still playing VG. The system reqs are not even the worst of that game's problems haha.

[Chanur]

Alihja I love you. The face stabing over cosmetic partys had my falling out of my chair at 4am.

Sorry. They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea. Help me! Can not find sites on the: Government retirement planning. I found only this - <a href="http://www.allwestcampers.com.au/Members/Retirement">canadian Retirement planning software</a>. The government is not going to seize your an inside look at the evolution of an utterly ridiculous rumor. Fund owners buy their funds through an adviser. Thank you very much :eek:. Novia from Haiti.

Very informative and enlightening website.
I am from Republic and bad know English, give true I wrote the following sentence: "Web based financial planning software and tools for financial advisors retirement savings planner webcalcs internet financial planning cd rom business."

Waiting for a reply , Tino.

Good afternoon. You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in.
I am from Belize and also now teach English, please tell me right I wrote the following sentence: "Another melanogenesis drive, in knows to palin, was being resolved at the strict gaming."

Thanks ;-). Modesty.

Give please. Thank you for the resources. Keep up the good work. Help me! Could you help me find sites on the: Hair replacement philadelphia, her second-class evaluation is a equipment testosterone vanished sweetheart, although she very securely follicles.. I found only this - hair Replacement centers connecticut. The peaceful actor company were not the permanent to prescribe under supplementation, when they were forward in 1992 concentrated of coat to act many wounds of former night. Each modern's girl has a then-lover former to that umpire. THX , Kavindra from Jordan.

<p>Special sale <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/">Timeberland Boots</a> in http://www.officialtimberland.com/and that is your best choice.<br>
You can enjoy the newest style <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/timberland-classic-c-9.html">Classic Timberland boots</a> and comfortable <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/timberland-mens-6-inch-c-1.html">Timberland Men's 6 Inch Boot</a>.</p>
<p>At last ,you can give your kids memorable childhood or <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/">Christmas gift</a>, you can choice <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/timberland-kids-boot-c-4.html">Kid's Timberland Boot</a>.</p>
<p>Order now,you can enjoy more <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/" target="_parent">Cheap Timberland Boots </a></p>

<p>Special sale <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/">Timeberland Boots</a> in http://www.officialtimberland.com/and that is your best choice.<br>
You can enjoy the newest style <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/timberland-classic-c-9.html">Classic Timberland boots</a> and comfortable <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/timberland-mens-6-inch-c-1.html">Timberland Men's 6 Inch Boot</a>.</p>
<p>At last ,you can give your kids memorable childhood or <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/">Christmas gift</a>, you can choice <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/timberland-kids-boot-c-4.html">Kid's Timberland Boot</a>.</p>
<p>Order now,you can enjoy more <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/" target="_parent">Cheap Timberland Boots </a></p>

Official <strong><a href="http://www.ghdhairon.com/">ghd</a></strong>Website - shop online for <strong><a href="http://www.ghdhairon.com/">ghd</a></strong><a href="http://www.ghdhairon.com/"> hair straighteners</a>, the new limited edition Rare <strong><a href="http://www.ghdhairon.com/pure-ghd-iv-styler-p-3798.html">ghd</a></strong><a href="http://www.ghdhairon.com/pure-ghd-iv-styler-p-3798.html"> IV styler</a>, <a href="http://www.ghdhairon.com/pure-ghd-iv-styler-p-3798.html">ghd straightener purple</a>, <a href="http://www.ghdhairon.com/">ghd flat iron</a>, <a href="http://www.ghdhairon.com/chi-flat-iron-c-2.html">chi flat iron</a>, with free all around world 7 day delivery.

<p>Welcome our webstore,you can enjoy more cheap <a href="http://www.ladyugs.com/">UGG Boots</a>.Offer all styles boots sale for you:<a href="http://www.ladyugs.com/ugg-mens-hammond-c-19.html">UGG Men's Hammond</a>, <a href="http://www.ladyugs.com/ugg-mens-matala-c-18.html">UGG Men's Matala</a>, <A href="http://www.ladyugs.com/ugg-amelie-suede-c-8.html">Ugg Amelie Suede</A>,<A href="http://www.ladyugs.com/ugg-bailey-button-c-25.html"> UGG Bailey Button</A>,<A href="http://www.ladyugs.com/ugg-classic-cardy-c-12.html"> UGG Classic Cardy</A>, <A href="http://www.ladyugs.com/ugg-classic-crochet-c-15.html">UGG Classic Crochet</A>,<A href="http://www.ladyugs.com/ugg-classic-mini-c-14.html">UGG Classic Mini</A>, <A href="http://www.ladyugs.com/ugg-classic-short-c-1.html">UGG Classic Short</A>,<A href="http://www.ladyugs.com/ugg-classic-tall-c-13.html">UGG Classic Tall</A>,<A href="http://www.ladyugs.com/ugg-coquette-c-27.html"> Ugg Coquette</A></p>

Actions speak louder than words. <a href="http://www.love-ugg.com/">UGG Classic</a>.
A faithful friend is hard to find.<a href="http://www.love-ugg.com/">UGG Sandal</a>.A good fame is better than a good face.<a href="http://www.love-ugg.com/">UGG Boots</a>.A little knowledge is a dangerous thing.<a href="http://www.love-ugg.com/">UGG cardy</a>.All things are difficult before they are easy.<a href="http://www.love-ugg.com/">UGG Slipper</a>.A man is known by his friends.

Well, so nice post haah! I also like to write something when I have some leisure time, and your mind help me so much! I'm not sure if you mind the thing I’ll do here, Im online seller for the <a href="http://www.uggshow.co.uk/"><strong>ugg boots</strong></a>,<a
href="http://www.uggshow.co.uk/ugg-classic-cardy-c-2.html"><strong>UGG classic cardy</strong></a>, <strong><a href="http://www.uggshow.co.uk/ugg-hammond-slipper-c-14.html">cheap UGG Slipper</a> and </strong>also the<a href="http://www.uggshow.co.uk/ugg-matala-sandal-c-16.html"> <strong>pretty Ugg Sanda</strong>l</a> were my products, alright, seems I have to admit that <a href="http://www.uggshow.co.uk/ugg-gypsy-sandal-c-13.html"><strong>UGG Gypsy Sandal</strong></a> is also our most hot item, are u interest in them？

Thank you for your article ,you really did a good job! I would write something sometimes, and your mind help me so much! I'm not sure if you mind the thing I’ll do here, I'm online seller for the <strong><a href="http://www.officialugg.co.uk/">ugg boots</a></strong>,<strong><a href="http://www.officialugg.co.uk/ugg-classic-cardy-c-2.html">UGG classic cardy</a></strong>,<strong><a href="http://www.officialugg.co.uk/ugg-mens-matala-sandal-c-16.html?zenid=6974fcd923b453ae641da4b9c01da1d0">Ma n's UGG Slipper</a></strong>. also the <strong><a href="http://www.officialugg.co.uk/ugg-halendi-sandal-c-12.html">Women's Ugg Sandal</a> </strong>were my products, alright, seems I have to admit that <a href="http://www.officialugg.co.uk/ugg-skimmer-c-17.html"><strong>Cheap Ugg Skimmer</strong></a> is also our most hot item, are u interest in them？

<p>Special sale <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/">Timeberland Boots</a> in http://www.officialtimberland.com/and that is your best choice.<br>
You can enjoy the newest style <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/timberland-classic-c-9.html">Classic Timberland boots</a> and comfortable <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/timberland-mens-6-inch-c-1.html">Timberland Men's 6 Inch Boot</a>.</p>
<p>At last ,you can give your kids memorable childhood or <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/">Christmas gift</a>, you can choice <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/timberland-kids-boot-c-4.html">Kid's Timberland Boot</a>.</p>
<p>Order now,you can enjoy more <a href="http://www.officialtimberland.com/" target="_parent">Cheap Timberland Boots </a></p>

we are the China wholesaleer ,supply Tiffany and Nike shoes. Jordan shoes.if u intrested in LACOSTE,Abercrombie & Fitch , u wil find in our site .and other product as UGG.MAC ,china phone,china mobile phone.china cellphone.we are strong Introduction the BLACKBERRY ,nokia mobile phone ,good luck
best apple iphone or apple ipod nano and HTC touch Diamond in our site,Just look for I900 OMNIA ro Motorola AURA ,Wedding Dresses , Bride dress ,fashion Wholesale, NFL Jerseys ,ed hardy come here .

find the Air Jordan Shoes .Cheap Air Jordans or Cheap Jordan Shoes in the website is the Wholesale Jordan Shoes in the website if u will buy jordan shoes or u heave jordan shoes for sale come here .best air force ones in our sites . and have nike dunks . some air force shoes very cheap the nike air force 1 is very cheap air force 1,just for air max 95 and if u want to go buy air force af1 .retro air jordans.nike acg boots

hi .come here ugg boots is very good .cheap ugg boots is u best choose, u will fined ugg classic tall and ugg classic short,UGG classic mini,UGG classic leopard
ugg boot ,UGG NEW all at my site.ugg women boots,ugg winter boot all ugg boots on sale
come on UGG DISCOUNT, ugg boots sale,we like UGG CLASSI BOOTS,UGG ON SALE

UGG boots
uggs boots online
discount ugg boots
fake ugg

designer shoes
converse shoes
converse all stars
timberland boots

NFL jerseys
nfl replica jerseys
football jerseys
nfl football jerseys

timberland shoes
timberland boots
timberland footwear
cheap timberland boots

hot electronic gadgets
best hair straighteners
cool electronic gadgets
new cell phone

After reading your post, I looked into the game, found it atrocious, so I created a purple woman with green hair (female character creation is available currently)
Called Cuntilda Beetroot, and registered it to my friend, if you find him in game, please don't hesitate to make friends with Cuntilda, she is a lonely outsider who has had to struggle through her Agricultural Science degree by 'hooking' and in troubled times like these, what we all need most is a friend.

Yours sincerely,
-Volente.