So your friends are going out, and they've pulled you kicking and screaming from your computer to go dancing. The problem is, you haven't been to a night club since the late 80s when you bought your Amiga 500 and Milli Vanilli was still a good band. You have no idea what to do out there in the boogey jungle.
Here at Notaddicted.com. we say, "Go with what you know," and you know how to dance, you just don't know that you know. It's quite lucky for you, that we know that you know, even if you don't know that we know, that you know how to dance.
Have you ever wished that you could dance as good as your MMORPG character? No? Whether you wish for it or not, now you can! Just follow these easy steps, and you’ll be well on your way to being a suave Fred Astaire… or Vanila Ice.. or something that I can't quite figure out what it is but that's okay because I
also know that you're good at improvisation. What do you mean how did I know? I knew... you just didn't know that I knew that you knew how to improvise... Jeez - just - read the next paragraph.
The "Hey I Just Got Up From My Computer Chair!” dance.
This dance is so hot and new, that nobody actually knows that it exists yet. It may seem difficult to do at first, but if you can break it down to the basic steps, (and I KNOW that you can!) it’s really quite easy.
For your first time, you may want to clear away a space in your room. Just move the pizza boxes and pop cans under your bed or something. No, just put the porn magazines under your mattress… Fine. Don’t want to use your room, lets try the bathroom. There’s a mirror in there. You’re afraid your mom will ask what’s going on? Oh, your mom already knows what you do when you lock yourself into the bathroom, so– don’t sweat it.
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| Hey, I think my feet are asleep. Do we have to wake them up right now? |
Step 1: First, you need to look down, to make sure that your feet are there- because if they aren’t there, you’re going to have a lot more problems than just dancing. If you can't see your feet, don't worry... this is a normal occurance for many gamers who've reached your level of extreme importance in the MMORPG community. Let's assume that if you walked into the bathroom, that your feet are there. Let us go on to step two.
Step 2: Great, your feet are there. Throw your hands way back, as if you’re amazed at this discovery of having feet. Not just one foot, but two feet. You're ready to rock and roll now.
Step 3: Throw your hands up. Yes, throw them up into the air, and wave them as if to say, “Hello, I have feet, and I see that you have some too. We have so much in common, lets be friends.”. Better yet, flex them, as though you're bench lifting 300 pounds, or three of your super model girlfriends... all at the same time.
Step 4: Then throw them down. Your hands, that is. Not your feet. Your feet are already down. Now it's time to get really mad. Yes, mad as though you lost an important PvP match. Clench your fists. Oh, you're so mad! Just look! You might actually punch someone in the face ... IRL! This move is best for goth clubs and candy raves.
Step 5: Punch yourself in the todger, Rodger. This move proves how awesome you are. Not only can you withstand pain, but you can inflict it upon yourself. Some people prefer to show their strength and pain threshhold by piercing a nipple or something, but not you. You are straight up, hardcore.
Keep repeating in that exact order until you get it down, Wild Thing. The next time your friends drag you away from your computer, kicking and screaming, you’ll have some dance moves to “Wow!” them with.
I bet they didn't know that you knew so many cool moves. I bet their jaws will hit the floor! Heck, I bet EVERYONE'S jaws will hit the floor. After you complete Step 5, maybe even YOUR jaw will hit the floor.
Well, that's it for my hot new dance lesson. Tune in next time, when I bring you exciting and innovative child care tips!
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