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Where Are They Now? A Reunion With the Spiderling Saviours

Although hard to believe, it has already been 10 Norrathian years since the beginnings of the ‘Save the Spiderlings’ movement -- yes, I can see you shaking your head incredulously, but it’s true-- many people ask me how the movement has been going, how the spiderlings are doing, and what ever happened to all the pioneers of spiderling conservationism from years past. With this special, Not Addicted version of Save the Spiderlings, now all those questions and more can be answered.

First, and as sad as it is for me to say this, the movement itself has been a stunning failure. More details are forthcoming in an up-to-the-minute report on the status of the remaining spiderling species, and the news is dire indeed, but let’s not dwell on that. Rather, let’s focus on all those fine folks that have tried their damnedest to save these precious creatures.

Let’s first thank one of our most generous and most dedicated donors, Zypp of Druzzil Ro. He tirelessly scoured the bazaar for donations all hours of the day and night, and is a well-known philanthropist in many other matters as well.

Next, what ever happened to Ploppee? Well, bowl after bowl of spiderling legs finally caught up to him, I’m afraid.

]

And did that spiderling poacher ever get caught? Why yes, thanks to our operatives in the field, he was finally apprehended. Here’s his story:

According to hospital records, the bard was admitted (and permanently committed) two days later complaining violently of ‘fractal spiderlings scuba diving under my skin – or snorkeling, can’t tell’. The moral of that story is to not fry your brains with hallucinogens. Oh, and to not poach spiderlings! He and his little brain got what they deserved.

Our next big question is, of course, where are all the spiderlings now? Which ones became extinct? What happened to all that fancy GPS technology and how can I strap it to my head so I have a ready-made map in every single zone? Whatever happened to that wooly I adopted? All those questions and more will be revealed (but not the answers) in our next installment!

Where are they now, and why can't I find them?

The GPS tracking technology has been developed sufficiently to allow equipment locations to be identified to the nearest quarter inch. Application of this technology has been the true stumbling block.

Not only is the equipment expensive, subject to frequent outages, not supported in all zones, and rather delicate, it is also rather large. While most players would be willing to give up the bagslot for the ability to always know where they are, the 200 stones worth of batteries, cabling and satellite dish have kept all but a few from embracing this technology.

Though there are smaller tranceivers available for use in tracking animals and objects, they are not generally useful for players. These transceivers have been used recently in some instances to monitor the activities of certain individuals. This has mostly been limited to faction abusers, ninja looters and substance abusing bards named Xingu.

Practical application of the GPS technology for tracking of spiderlings has proven to be problematic. While the tranceivers are well within the size and weight limitations of the spiderling, and can be readily mounted the the exoskeleton with a simple adhesive, other issues have prevented widespread application.

Collection of the subjects has been the primary problem. Use of live traps proved to be an excellent collection method, but was not truly successful. Nearly all the live traps were eventually camped by bards, reducing the collections to negligible levels.

Trials were made using tranquilizers, both DD and AoE, but ultimately proved unsuccessful. While no spiderlings survived the DD tranquilizers, the survival rate of the AoE tranquilizers was initially thought to be acceptable. Unfortunately the final collections using the AoE tranquilizers were significantly skewed due to bard camping.

Even with these difficulties, sufficient spiderlings were collected to create a representative population. It was during the processing of this population that two insurmountable obstacles were encountered.

The first, simply enough, was that many of the collected spiderlings did not survive the application process. It can only be assumed that the subjects had been weekened by the collection process to the point that mounting the GPS tranceiver overwhelmed their resistance. The rumors concerning staff abuses of the subjects are totally unfounded and all statements concerning it are being prosecuted as libel.

Finally, due to several administrative mis-filings, the transmission frequency used by the GPS hardware overlaps slightly with ranger tracking. This overlap causes the GPS tagged items/animals to consistently appear at the top of the track list. Though a minor distraction, it has been documented that this is sufficient to cause most rangers to hunt down the GPS tags and destroy them.

Considering all the difficulties and setbacks all efforts to use GPS tracking to monitor the spiderling populations has been terminated. Funding is being sought to initiate a program to select and track another endangered, but more durable subject. Dwarven bards are currently one of the top potential subjects.

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