Save Your Drama For Your Llama!
Posted September 25th, 2006 by Alihja
Nothing makes a gamer's stomach turn in knots like a big hot serving of guild in-fighting and drama. At the center of all the trouble are those special players who have a gift for meddling with the guild's social structure. I'm talking about drama queens, of course. They’re in just about every single guild and gaming clan, no matter what game you play. Every time you think you've drama-proofed your guild, the world just invents a craftier drama queen. After six years of participating in the leadership of various gaming clans, I have learned how to identify them. There are so many different types of drama queens I don't have enough space to put them all into this list. But lets look at some of the major ones. If after reading this list, you feel compelled to add onto it, feel free do so. You might even feel the urge to ask me if I wrote this about you, especially if you were ever in the same guild as me. To this, I say, “Oh, well you just think it’s all about you, don’t you?”
Chat Police. This is the most common of all drama queens. It’s best to know up front that Chat Police has the chat logging command, and knows how to use it. There isn’t shit that you can do about it. In fact, you can’t say “shit” when Chat Police is online because Chat Police will log it, cut it, paste it onto the guild message board for further scrutiny. That is, if they don't report you. If you are a guild leader, Chat Police will likely give you a daily report about the guild chat every time that you log in. There eventually may come a time when people will be too afraid to type when Chat Police is online. However, Chat Police will be the first to post about how quiet and boring guild chat has become.
The Guild Climber. This person will leave their old guild to join your guild, so that they can get equipped enough to join another guild. But leaving will make the Guild Climber look like… err, a guild climber. Therefore, they will try to make it look as though the rest of the guild is at fault. Guild Climber is the most likely to disband after (or if they’re ballsy) during a raid.
Henny Penny. Nobody gives a weather report of how the sky is falling, like good old Henny Penny. "Nothing is the same anymore since (insert name of quitter here) left the guild. This place is going downhill. Fast. Chat sucks, the raids suck. Everything sucks. I tried to get a group and nobody answered me when I spammed guild chat looking for people to run me through that one instance. I give it two months." They will log out shortly before the guild raid is about to start so that they can document this prediction into their Myspace.
The Quitter. “That’s it, I quit!” Something has upset The Quitter enough to either quit the guild, or quit the whole game. They will make an eight-paragraph post on the guild or server message board telling their life’s story leading up to what upset them. They will hit the refresh key over and over, waiting with bated breath for words of comfort and regret to come pouring in. They will be back within two weeks, when they decide to quit quitting.
Sex-Talk. This is one of the many sources of ire for Chat Police. Sex-Talk continually floods guild chat with stories of their sexual escapades and favorite positions, which they describe in great detail. The first to post photos of their genitalia on the guild message board, Sex-Talk isn’t shy about sharing anything. Sex-Talk’s likelihood of giving out their address and phone number for late night phone sex often attracts some pretty strong attention and strong feelings from other players. At the end of the day, when the last police call has been made and all of the restraining orders are sent, Sex Talk cannot figure out how they’re attracting all these weirdoes.
The Serial E-Dater. Serial E-Dater often budgets the cost of making trips to hook up with Sex-Talk and other guild mates within their sexual orientation, but is repeatedly disappointed when their e-love turns out to be nothing like the hot elf that they pretended to be online. The Serial E-Dater makes vapidly agreeable responses to every statement made by the person of his or her affections. They will jump to that person’s defense no matter how idiotic the person acts. This is due to Serial E-Dater’s brain matter shifting to their frontal nether region immediately after logging in. That is, unless more than one of Serial E-Dater’s objects of interest are disagreeing with each other. At this point, The Serial E-Dater impersonates an ostrich. If your server played “Six Degrees Of (Serial E-Daters Name)” the results could be catastrophic.
The Husband & Wife Team. This is a force to be reckoned with, especially when one spouse is an officer. Every issue that the Husband & Wife Team has, becomes the entire guild’s issue. Just remember, there are two of them and only one of you. They are usually sitting in the same room and they are both sending messages with the same complaints at the same time to various members of the guild and its leadership. They usually side with Chat Police and have the ability to talk each-other into a hyper state of worry. With the Husband & Wife Team, there is usually a new issue every week. The Husband & Wife Team usually wants the guild to be more like a family, and they want to be its parents. Things will really heat up when Serial E-Dater and Sex-Talk to take control of guild chat while the Husband & Wife Team are online.Emotional Frosted Flake. No matter what happens, the Emotional Frosted Flake experiences it ten times more strongly than a normal person. This drama queen feels the need to hug -- wait, no... ~*hug*~ every single person who logs on, whether they like them or not. But only on happy days. On sad days, the Emotional Frosted Flake will act suddenly distant. They type with a lot of asterisks and tildes to express themselves. Therefore, they will often reply to things that they dislike with a sigh, expressed like this: "~*sigh*~" Apparently, this is your queue to ask what is wrong.
Candy Coated Shit Nugget. This person portrays themselves to be similar to the Frosted Flake, but only on the outside. Candy Coated Shit Nugget usually places people into two categories.
- People whose asses I have to kiss. (Guild Officers & popular people)
- People who should kiss my ass. (everyone else)
The Tragedy Faker. They will make a post on the server message boards posing as a friend or brother, sister, uncle, cousin, best friend’s dog walker’s roommate in order to announce their made-up tragedy or even worse, fake their own death. The Tragedy Faker will be back playing eventually, and the person who originally made the post is never heard from again. The antics of The Tragedy Faker are one of the reasons that players are skeptical whenever a player death is announced.
Jealous Toddler. Jealous Toddler is someone who feels that any time someone else gets something awesome, that it is taking something away from him or her. Jealous Toddler doesn’t like it when someone else gets an armor or weapon upgrade. If someone quits the game and gives his or her equipment away to any guild mate other than Jealous Toddler, there is bound to be trouble over it as that guild mate becomes Jealous Toddler’s new enemy.Nanny Micromanager. Not really malicious enough to be a drama queen all by themselves, the Nanny Micromanager is like the assistant to all of the drama queens. This is the person who jumps when the other drama queens say jump. They are surely a people pleaser, and they just want everyone to be happy and get along. Oh, why can’t everyone get along and be happy? Nanny Micromanager will arrange the funeral for The Tragedy Faker. They will be the first to wish The Quitter well. And, they will be the first to ask to have them invited back in a week later. If Nanny Micromanager isn’t an officer, they are at least the self-appointed liaison between all of the drama queens and the guild leadership. That is, until Nanny Micromanager gets burned out and turns into The Quitter.
Dear readers, I know that you have some of your own species of drama queens in your guild, so feel free to add your own.
I like to call it the: Back in the day Whiner
Ofcourse we all sometimes hate the changes a company makes to our favorite game, however some people make it an art to whine about it.
This kind of drama queen is mostly a normal member of your guild, nothing seems wrong with this person. However when something about the class of the said drama queen changes or something in the game changes that affects this Drama queen it's whine time.
The person will rant on and on about the change they are making in the game (mostly without knowing how the change will work) in guild chat and on the guild forum, using fake numbers to back their statement.
When another member comments about the whining, the Drama queen will go in total overdrive. telling the guildie that he/she knows nothing about the class (even if the guildie plays that class) and that he/she will quit the guild if they don't agree. After which you get a 10 page essay on the guild forum saying how the game used to be better before all the changes and why everyone should quit the game. Ofcourse this drama queen never quits the game, but keeps playing it for years to come.
The worst part about this drama queen is: The whining about how everything was better in the past spreads like a plague among some of the weaker minded guild members (mostly they are baffled by the numbers backing the statements) This usually ends with the entire guild chat going on how the game is being killed by the company that makes it.
Ofcourse this is even worse when the said drama queens are your guild officers.
You forgot:
The Over Equipped Guy
This merry individual is fully equipped with all the latest gear, has been in the guild for almost a year, and feels he is most knowledgable in every class, job, etc. When n00bs in the guild complain about how they aren't fully equipped to even run a lower tiered instance like Molten Core, this individual starts spouting how running lower instances are pointless (since he has all his shit already) and they shouldn't bother since it's only promoting regression, not progression. The over-equipped asshole will have no patience for people who die in higher level instances that are wearing blues and no resistance equips because they just joined.
The Guy Who Never Shuts the Fuck Up
This guy (usually a chick) is on every guild post in the forums, every officer chat, and always has too much to say/read when they talk. This information is usually skipped by people who don't have time to read a novel. Since it is considered a well-thought out suggestion/complaint because of its length, and the novel-writer is usually blowing an officer, it magically becomes the overall opinion of the guild, thusly becoming policy.
You forgot:
The Over Equipped Guy
This merry individual is fully equipped with all the latest gear, has been in the guild for almost a year, and feels he is most knowledgable in every class, job, etc. When n00bs in the guild complain about how they aren't fully equipped to even run a lower tiered instance like Molten Core, this individual starts spouting how running lower instances are pointless (since he has all his shit already) and they shouldn't bother since it's only promoting regression, not progression. The over-equipped asshole will have no patience for people who die in higher level instances that are wearing blues and no resistance equips because they just joined.
The Guy Who Never Shuts the Fuck Up
This guy (usually a chick) is on every guild post in the forums, every officer chat, and always has too much to say/read when they talk. This information is usually skipped by people who don't have time to read a novel. Since it is considered a well-thought out suggestion/complaint because of its length, and the novel-writer is usually blowing an officer, it magically becomes the overall opinion of the guild, thusly becoming policy.
Those aren't really drama queens, they're just idiots.
whenever someone began taking on any attibutes listed above, they got a swift /gkick from our part French-Canadian Mafia/ part smack-talking Jersey boy officer core.
We even only take 1/2 of Husband/wife teams (it's usually the wives, the husbands are all way ahead gear/guild wise :P )
my previous guilds all had bits and pieces of the drama queens though
~*Hugs Guild*~
-Gritz
Eldre'Thalas
Brutally Honest: I say it how it is pissing off the drama creators and I become the drama spotlight. Happend so often^^
Its gotten me kicked only once. I was called Honestly Vicious =p
Oh well..I call it how I see it...I do entertain well =p
I love your write up... You labled one different from what I would call it but my version is the Attention Whore One.... happy sad...focus on my emotions guildies....god I hate them the most.
The worst, I'm all of them, except The Tragedy Faker. :P
This is put at the end of every statement by this Drama Queen.
Always kills guild chat with how much better they are over eveyone.
Gives entirely too much information about thier exploits in given part of the game where no-one of consiquence could see.
Then the second that you play with them they blame you and or anybody else in the group, guild, game, etc.... for why they are not playing to top form.
Add to this that if you call him out on his play he points out your flaws and then goes on a tirade about how you have no idea what it is like to play "X" area.
All I hear is it is loads of fun thing, I came to the chat rooms and bam, nothing but bricks. tell me to be in a guild do you have to use online chat rooms built for rpgs is it a prerequisite? Could I just be in a clan withut all that in there. Your telling me there's more. I mean I have FFX the first one for 360 and haven't played it because I want time to play it. PlusI keep playing everything else I have I'm not encouraged by the extra dollars a month. I don't want to play if I cant get it done or most of it done. I know jack apparently about rpgs, I like the ones by myself don't cost so much and go at my own pace. I've always wanted to try but gish. this sounds ridiculous but what can I expect if half or more are teenagers. lol I guess I join the rat race.lol lol
LA
All I hear is it is loads of fun thing, I came to the chat rooms and bam, nothing but bricks. tell me to be in a guild do you have to use online chat rooms built for rpgs is it a prerequisite? Could I just be in a clan withut all that in there. Your telling me there's more. I mean I have FFX the first one for 360 and haven't played it because I want time to play it. PlusI keep playing everything else I have I'm not encouraged by the extra dollars a month. I don't want to play if I cant get it done or most of it done. I know jack apparently about rpgs, I like the ones by myself don't cost so much and go at my own pace. I've always wanted to try but gish. this sounds ridiculous but what can I expect if half or more are teenagers. lol I guess I join the rat race.lol lol
LA
1) A clue
2) Punctuation
3) Capitalization
4) Another clue
5) Never to use a computer again
"gish"???
These are the guys who sit around, contribute nothing except tell everybody how incredibly easy they have it. Why, back in their day, they had to use an entire raid to take down Nagafen! They had to sit with their noses in a book and they liked it that way! You had to work to get your gear, competing with all the other guilds for that one piece of prime loot. Quickly, they can turn into Quitters. The game isn't a challenge anymore. It's too easy. I quit!
These are the guys who sit around, contribute nothing except tell everybody how incredibly easy they have it. Why, back in their day, they had to use an entire raid to take down Nagafen! They had to sit with their noses in a book and they liked it that way! You had to work to get your gear, competing with all the other guilds for that one piece of prime loot. Quickly, they can turn into Quitters. The game isn't a challenge anymore. It's too easy. I quit!
The other way is that it's more fun.
These are the ones who say things like: "This is just like what I posted on the forums." Or "You must have read my blog because I was saying this very thing before."
Their the ones who need so badly for the world to recognize their intellectual capital.
Blizzard is all. Blizzard is God. All guild members are therefore subordinate to the will of Blizzard and shall submit to the will of Blizzard or they will report you.
Dear Notyntheface,
Sorry! I must have gotten excited and finished early.
Regretfully Yours,
Sex Talk
They complain about everything, they are loot whores, they have mental meltdowns over things that really aren't a big deal. Drama ensues! Then everyone looks to you, asking, "wtf?" leaving you to say, "I dunno, he's not like that in RL."
-Pep
They complain about everything, they are loot whores, they have mental meltdowns over things that really aren't a big deal. Drama ensues! Then everyone looks to you, asking, "wtf?" leaving you to say, "I dunno, he's not like that in RL."
-Pep
And for the Emotional Frosted Flake, I believe this is a text-book example:
-----------------
I have not been in your guild very long and as such I somehow doubt very many of you have even noticed me. Even fewer I'm sure have taken note of my absense or even thought to question why.
Truth be told I did not leave in search of better loot or anything of that sort. I had an altercation with another guild member. This incident left me feeling betrayed, hurt, and completely unsupported. In my anger I chose to judge the entire guild based on the actions of one person at one time. Since the incident I have had time to think. I meditated long and hard on what happened and how it should have been dealt with. I have even made my appologies to the person in question and set the whole event in my past. But still I cannot help but feel a bit lost.
As I have only been here a short time, I have not yet developed the deep emotional bond so many of you seem to share. And I've always felt a bit secluded, like a third wheel. I simply have not felt like I fit in. This is no doubt my own failing, but sadly I have been unable to remedy it. Now I sit here questioning myself, deciding which path to take, what road to walk. I am not one to come crawling on my hands and knees back to anyone, regardless of whether I or the other were wrong. I am far too proud.
Today I attended a raid, much to the dismay of some of you I am sure, to support and protect my dearest Phaedria. At this raid I felt especially saddened and lonely, although that of course is entirely my doing. I toyed with the idea of begging to be reinvited, but I could not bring myself to do so. Despite the fact that Faydedar utterly slaughtered us, it was encouraging to see so many people working together towards one goal and never giving up despite the odds.
As I have given nothing to this guild, I cannot expect you to want me back and so I shall not ask to rejoin. Instead I believe I shall walk Norrath once again alone. It has been that way many times for me before and so it is truly fitting for me to be so again. Please know I do not write this letter looking for praise, or encouragement, or pleas to rejoin. Such would only degrade my emotions. Rather I write this to explain the atrocity I have commited and to make some small pennance for my act. I truly hope that my loss causes no notice.
Sincerely,
Falcorian Fyreheart
Have you seen The Mufin Movie?
Have you seen The Mufin Movie?
My Brain is bleeding into the back of my cornea's.
That was a very sad flick!
If people had CTRA all through Kunark and Velious...they'd sure have called that easy too.
But this article was great. Loved it.
This is the person that floods the chat log on all channels. This ASS HOLE hits the enter key
After
Every
Fucking
Word
And
The
Chat
Log
Is
Full
Because
He
Is
Telling
Everyone
How
He
Is
Sad
That
He
Has
-500 DKP
This guy is also the fuck nut that feels necessary to run and jump around while we are waiting for buffs and AFKs. Sometimes aggroing pats. This is the same dick head that thinks he is a DPS warrior.
This drama queen always has to be #1 on the damage charts. They will clutter raid chat with the words "pull" or "gogogo" constantly because their tiny brains can't cope with the self restraint of patience. This type of person pulls aggro multiple times a raid and wastes time getting rezzed (then has the balls to say "pull" while they are drinking).
In some extreme cases of the DPS Whore will shout "Battle Rez me" even though they have no healing capabilities that would warrant such an action.
This person always knows a better way to attempt a mob or knows what needs to be changed. They know this because they either read all the strats or more likley because their friends guild does it X way. This person is generally clueless as to how things actually work and can barely play their character without being dangerous to the raids success. They also tend to make friends with an officer or someone they feel might be able to implement their l33t strats and flood them with tells after every attempt, pointing out all the things that were done wrong, who did them and what needs to be done about fixing it!
"This gaem sux an ur all nubs 4 playing. u take this too serious and raid 2 much ima ebay my account"
Heavy deleting by moderators?
Use of Big Words?
+1000 Essay Words of Smartness?
After hundreds of hours of setting up the new dkp system, educating people on it, installing the online systems for tracking, most people are happy about it. Now "Grass Is Greener" just heard about Zero Sum dkp and how totally more awesomer it is and is "totally pissed that we use the old system."
This person also talks to everyone he knows about his dissappointment in his guild's AQ40 progression, but constantly spams raid/guild chat with "i can't fucking handle this repair bill. i'm logging if we wipe again."
"Grass Is Greener" has most likely rolled an opposite faction alt on another server because he thinks everyone in his main's faction are a bunch of nubs and are "totally gay". Eventually comes back to playing his main after an event "he doesn't want to talk about" on the alt's server.
Similar to an Emotional Frosted Flake on an eternal sad day, an Angst Dealer loves to tell you and your guild about how horrible his/her life is. To make matters worse, if at any time you or anyone in the guild might not be feeling all that great about life, the Angst Dealer has to tell you how much worse theirs is, and that you have no right to be upset. They will try to guilt trip you out of any fun you may be trying to have, or even items they've been having their eyes on. An Angst Dealer can't wait to shit in your Cheerios.
"Oh, that sword dropped tonight? Well you know I was waiting for it, and I'm not sure if I can do this again soon since my uncle is going into the hospital for coma surgery, and I saw my boyfriend/girlfriend making out with some homeless guy right before I logged in tonight, but I guess ... I guess you can have it... *sigh*"
LOOT HOGGER (a more pleasant way to put it).
This drama queen is the one who feels like they deserve every epic or legendary item in the game. A ranged character may believe s/he is entitled to melee weapons simply to use as "back up"; Melee fighters believe they should have access to ranged weapons for "back up" - and so forth.
Loot Hoggers can also be the reverse. They can go on raids and raids and raids, acquire a huge amount of raid points, and then spend all their points on one whole raid event to get all the items they ever need.
Heavy deleting by moderators?
Use of Big Words?
+1000 Essay Words of Smartness?
Similar to an Emotional Frosted Flake on an eternal sad day, an Angst Dealer loves to tell you and your guild about how horrible his/her life is. To make matters worse, if at any time you or anyone in the guild might not be feeling all that great about life, the Angst Dealer has to tell you how much worse theirs is, and that you have no right to be upset. They will try to guilt trip you out of any fun you may be trying to have, or even items they've been having their eyes on. An Angst Dealer can't wait to shit in your Cheerios.
"Oh, that sword dropped tonight? Well you know I was waiting for it, and I'm not sure if I can do this again soon since my uncle is going into the hospital for coma surgery, and I saw my boyfriend/girlfriend making out with some homeless guy right before I logged in tonight, but I guess ... I guess you can have it... *sigh*"
The Blame Thrower
Usually an officer or a GM, she never accepts responsibility if anything goes wrong. Instead she points fingers at the rest of the officers or guildies with an "I told you so" lecture or a lecture about how rules should be changed. When the officers disagree with her, she takes it personally and sees it as a personal attack against her. While this is going on, she goes to the apparent 'victim(s)' of the incident and tells them that it's someone elses fault and badmouths the officer(s) who argued with her saying that she didn't agree on those rules. In some cases when someone claims to be 'screwed over' by the rules, she attempts to change or override them on the fly. When others object, she starts whining and bitching in front of the entire guild, possibly to make herself look innocent.
When other officers are not involved in a decision she made and it goes horribly wrong, she blames the other officers for "not being there" even though they have real lives they needed to attend to. She also tends to make excuses like, "The other officers were PvPing and that's a waste of time", while when she screws around online and cybers with her e-boyfriends, everything is fine and good.
When someone has an issue with one of her online friends it's always their fault, and her friends can do no wrong. However when one of these friends argues with her suddenly they're public enemy #1 and she won't shut up about how much she hates them and wants to kick them out of the guild. And then when she does want to kick someone out, she tries to get someone else to do it so it doesn't look like she is involved.
Finally when the guild breaks up because of her she still blames everyone else for not talking to her about it first.
The Blame Thrower
Usually an officer or a GM, she never accepts responsibility if anything goes wrong. Instead she points fingers at the rest of the officers or guildies with an "I told you so" lecture or a lecture about how rules should be changed. When the officers disagree with her, she takes it personally and sees it as a personal attack against her. While this is going on, she goes to the apparent 'victim(s)' of the incident and tells them that it's someone elses fault and badmouths the officer(s) who argued with her saying that she didn't agree on those rules. In some cases when someone claims to be 'screwed over' by the rules, she attempts to change or override them on the fly. When others object, she starts whining and bitching in front of the entire guild, possibly to make herself look innocent.
When other officers are not involved in a decision she made and it goes horribly wrong, she blames the other officers for "not being there" even though they have real lives they needed to attend to. She also tends to make excuses like, "The other officers were PvPing and that's a waste of time", while when she screws around online and cybers with her e-boyfriends, everything is fine and good.
When someone has an issue with one of her online friends it's always their fault, and her friends can do no wrong. However when one of these friends argues with her suddenly they're public enemy #1 and she won't shut up about how much she hates them and wants to kick them out of the guild. And then when she does want to kick someone out, she tries to get someone else to do it so it doesn't look like she is involved.
Finally when the guild breaks up because of her she still blames everyone else for not talking to her about it first.
The problem arises when this player enters an MMO and suddenly experiences a psychological regression to the horror of adolescence. They will react with drama and guilt-tripping if they are not actively invited to dungeons, if people don't answer a question in guildchat, or if, God forbid, they identify a smaller group of players within the guild who enjoy playing together. Rather than hone their own social skills, start their own groups, or even remotely recognize that 'inclusion' is a two-way street, they will throw around words like 'clique' and 'elitism' on the message boards in an attempt to make other people feel bad for having friends.
A more insidious, but ultimately less harmful variety of this species is the "Wallflower", who will never actually speak up about any of this, but will finally deguild in a weepy shower of 'clique!!' and 'elitist!' and 'you don't make new people feel very welcome'. After this deguilding, most of the guild will scratch their heads because they don't really know who the Wallflower was. After all, the Wallflower never actually talked to anyone, they just waited patiently for someone to psychically realize that their emotional and social needs were not being met.
That's why I rolled Warlock, I can sit in a corner the entire fight and no one will know the difference.
Though I still get the occasional: "Who the F*ck Dotted the Sheep!"
-Gritz
Not so the Socializer. His or her *only* outlet for social interaction is your MMO of choice, and they are out to milk it for everything it's worth. They will reply to every forum thread and start tons of new ones that are unrelated to the game; they will attempt to form deep, meaningul friendships with as many people as possible; they will start or prolong any inside 'jokes' that get started about themselves or other people, and they will talk constantly in Ventrilo during raids about random topics.
None of this becomes problematic until players who are able to get their social needs met outside the game speak up because the Socializer is constantly interrupting the raid leader, replying to strategy forum threads with pointless, 'cute' 'inside' jokes, and causing minor drama left and right with their relentless attention-seeking behavior. If criticized at all, the Socializer will lash out, saying that the critic has no sense of humor and that people are taking the game too seriously.
Warning phrases: "We're a *family* guild!" "It's just a GAME."
The Socializer is, sadly, the most likely to cause a raid wipe. They don't care that much about the game itself (or tactics, or gear, or strategies), but they will show up to every single raid beacuse this is their only form of human interaction. They will then make a dumb mistake due to not paying attention (because they are chatting with four different people via /whisper), and giggle about it in Vent in a self-deprecating fashion.
The Socializer can quickly morph into the 'Clique Proclaimer' type (see above) if he or she suspects that someone in the guild has more friends than they do.
Unfortunately, because the Socializer goes out of his or her way to befriend every single new person who joins the guild, you will never, ever be able to get rid of them without looking like a fascist.