NotAddicted

So everyone knows that high school yearbooks are big on creating wonderful snippets of words, wisdom and judgement for us all to look back on whimsically when we are old and fat and wishing we still had the excuse of youth to listen to Metallica, drink our parents booze and have unprotected sex. Those were the days! Since Blizzcon reminded me so much of the seedy underbelly of my highschool populace, I’ve decided to take cue from those wizards of nostalgia, hence comes to you the Blizzcon ‘most likely to’s!

Most likely to wear butt plugs as hair accessories.

Most likely to hit on girls by tickling them.

Most likely to have Ricky Martin’s ‘Livin’ la Vida Loca’ playing constantly under her interior monologue.

Most likely to secretly harbor fantasies that the sorting hat would totally put her in Slytherin.

Most likely to use every picture he takes at Blizzcon as masturbation fodder.

Most likely to have two cats; one named Frodo and the other, pudgier one, named Samwise, although she is not above calling either of them ‘mr fuzzywuzzylilcutiepaws!’

Most likely to write his highschool English class final comparing Heart of Darkness to “that one song by Stain’d.”

Most likely to have purple palms from dying hair with Kool Aid.

Most likely to be delicious!

Most likely to raise her children in a ‘naked house.’

Most likely to have her face bashed in by some stoned guy dressed like a pirate looking for buried treasure.

Most likely to be the proud owner of the ‘WoWluvr69420’ Hotmail account.

Most likely to think two exclamation points means twice the excitement!!

Most likely to be too embarrassed to poop in a public restroom.

Most likely to be denied Jewish burial based on hot tribal tattoo.

Most likely to be exceedingly rich due to uncanny ability to pee sheets of sterling silver!

Most likely to have bought his outfit five years ago in a strip mall store called ‘pagers and footwear’ in Vallejo, California.

Most likely to be gang-raped by guys named Juan-Carlos and Ace, but only because she was asking for it.

Most likely to be the only non-gay guy to ever wear a monocle.

Most likely to think the movie Hackers is really super awesome.

Most likely to pretend to grab the ass of the Starcraft ghost statue to impress his friends with his stunning wit.

Most likely to get drunk on Bacardi Silver to work up the courage to hit on the girl dressed as a high elf.

Most likely to preface all his utterances with ‘ac-tually.’

Most likely to have accidentally wandered into Blizzcon while trying to find the Anaheim Methadone clinic.

Most likely to take being told she looks like a muppet from Labyrinth as a compliment.

Most likely to think a good topic of conversation is talking about how Hot Topic should branch out into lines of home décor and office supplies, as it would save her many a trip to Ikea.

Most likely to have carved 'Trent Reznor 4 Ever' into her upper thigh with a safety pin in Jr. high.

Click to learn more about Blizzcon 2005 >>>>